During WWII, my Nonna was still living in Italy. From the age of 13, as soon as she finished what they considered grade 5, she began working in the city as a babysitter and housekeeper for a wealthy family in order to help support her family. What she had really wanted to do was be a teacher and her own teacher had even gone to her mother and offered to pay half of her tuition herself if her mother would allow her to continue studying. However, times were tough and my Nonna's father had been captured and was a POW in Germany. Therefore, because my Nonna was the oldest of her brothers and sisters, her mother needed her to go to work. When my Nonna tells the story she always says her mother laughed and asked the teacher if she was stupid. The thought of wasting money for school, for a girl, was unimaginable. So, my Nonna traveled to the city every day to work.
At this time, the war was really raging and the threat of attack was a constant presence in mind. the first time my Nonna heard the alarm sound announcing the threat of bombs, she hurried down to the shelter along with everyone else for protection.She describes it as the most crowded area she has ever been in. the people were packed in, packed in so tightly into this underground area that it became increasingly difficult to breathe with each passing second. The smell was overbearing. The seconds passed by like hours.
After that one time she swore never to go under again. Never.
Now for those who know my Nonna, they know that when she says never she means it. My Nonna, god love her, is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met. Trust me, I've traveled across the world with her and it could come to something as trivial as putting on your seat belt in the airplane, but if she doesn't want to do it - she won't. For better or worse, when she sets her mind to something there's no changing it. I've come to learn that I inherited some of this trait. However, I do hope that because I understand how stubborn I can be that it makes me stop and think from time to time and consider why I feel so set in my ways.
I've really only ever had one act of stubbornness that lead to all out screaming matches with my parents, arguments with my extended family and many tears on my part. When I was close to graduating from high school, I applied to four post secondary institutions: UBC, SFU, UVIC and Kwantlan (my safety). My number one school was UVIC. I didn't really know what I wanted to do, all I knew was that i loved to write and UVIC had a fantastic writing program that I wanted to take. The acceptance letters began rolling in and I was accepted to every school to which I had applied. So I assumed that I would be going to UVIC, my parents however, had other plans. They had assumed I would be going to UBC as my dad works for the university and I am eligible for a tuition waiver. When I told them I was going to UVIC, I was met with strong aversion from my entire family. I was told I was ungrateful, that I was being ridiculous, that my opinions didn't matter. It finally came down to my parents telling me that if I went to UVIC, they would not be helping me financially. Feeling defeated, I was one day away from accepting UBC when a letter arrived from SFU. I had been awarded an entrance scholarship. In that moment I chose my university based not on the school's merits, but because of what it was not: UBC.
When my mother asked if I had sent in my acceptance letter to UBC I spitefully old her that I had accepted SFU and she and my father couldn't say anything about it because they weren't paying for any of it. From that day forward they never paid for one cent towards my education.
The next time the alarm went off warning of a potential bombing, my Nonna was working in the home of the wealthy lady. She was busy dressing her little boy when the alarm wailed through the streets. The lady of the house began pulling at my Nonna to go to the shelter and my Nonna refused. The lady began to beg and plead for my Nonna to go with her but instead my Nonna told the lady to take her little boy and go while she stayed in the house. Wealthy she might be, but it was not a wealth of courage that she held. The lady being too afraid to go on her own decided to stay with my Nonna. My Nonna, the lady and the little boy hid under these great stone steps in the house and waited for the alarm to sound that would tell them the danger had been averted.
I spent seven long years at SFU. I began an English degree which I rushed my way through only to find myself in a panic filled situation where I realized I didn't know what I would do if I graduated. I studied abroad in Italy and learned a valuable lesson from one of my favorite books: "it's not what the world holds for you, it's what you bring to it." I returned from Italy and added a Publishing minor to my program which reminded me that I should be dreaming big and aiming as high as I could for myself. Shortly after starting my minor, I added a Communication major to my program. Communication, a subject I had once thought of as "stupid English" and that was not offered at UBC or UVIC. In fact, SFU's Communication program attracts students from across Canada as it is considered one of the best. All facts I was unaware of and all facts that had no bearing on me falling in love with the program and what it had to offer me in terms of options for the future.
it was during this waiting time that two bombs dropped.....and landed... one on either side of the shelter, killing everyone inside.
It took me seven years to realize that a decision I made because I was too stubborn to accept someone making a life altering decision for me, was one of the best I have ever made. I'm graduating this year and all I can think is where would I be if I had decided to go to UBC. Would I be happy? Would I have a job I love? Would I have met the people that I consider my nearest and dearest? Would I have met my first love? Would I have found self love?
Where would my Nonna be if she had gone into the bomb shelter? Would I be here to reflect on it now?
While I don't think that being stubborn or wholly unbending to alternative ideas and situations is healthy, sometimes, just sometimes, it's in those moments where we follow our gut and act on raw feeling that we can discover the most about ourselves. We can discover that we are the exception, not the rule. It is in these moments that we realize that we don't have to just go through the motions of living but that all of those motions are leading to something great if we want it to. Be the exception. Look for what you need and don't settle for anything that plays contrary to your needs. Be the exception. Fight for what you need to make your future yours, even if that means being stubborn every once in a while because you never know when a bomb might drop and make the decision for you.
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