Wish You Never Ever Met Her At All

So i'm driving home from work the other day, listening to Virgin Radio and just unwinding from my long day at the office, when Maneater by Nelly Furtado comes on the radio.

Now, way back when, J coined Maneater as my theme song.

Urban Dictionary defines a "maneater" as "The female equivalent to the more male-associated words like pimp or player. An irresistable woman who chews and spits out men after using them for some sort of gain -- be it sexual, financial or psychological."

Now while i will say in my defense that i never used men for any kind of gain, i did receive this title of maneater because i had a tendency to cycle through men very, very.....very quickly. the girls would joke that the guy would just be getting attached and i'd be walking out the door. it's not something i'm proud of - i had strong commitment issues in the beginning and then it just became about being with the right guy, and as soon as i figured out a guy wasn't "the right guy," well....poof be gone (in usually 5 dates or less).

So this song comes on the radio, for the first time in a ridiculously long time, and all i can find myself thinking is it's like a taunt. it felt like i was 13 years old, surrounded by a group of mean girls, taunting me about my past inadequacies in the romance department. in light of the fact that i'm now seeing someone who i'm really excited about, it was more than a little disheartening.

i firmly believe that you shouldn't settle. that those who settle, eventually realize that they have in fact settled which doesn't lead to a happy relationship. i also don't believe in wasting other people's time. when i'm out, and know i'm out, i tell the other person - why lead them on into thinking that you feel the same way they do if you don't. While i think these are great qualities of mine, the downside is i don't always give everyone the best chance and when my emotions do pull out of a situation, they pull out fast and hard like a magician pulling a table cloth off a table without disturbing the glassware on top. these are things i acknowledge as problems and i have been working hard to correct these flaws.

what is comforting, however, is that the few times where i've felt like someone could be "the right guy" - those two downsides haven't played a roll in the downfall. so maybe, just maybe, there's a method to my maneating madness?

Regardless, here i was in my car being taunted by Nelly Furtado and all i could think is, "i'm so glad i'm not that person anymore." That was a new thought for me. Previously the song just made me laugh, think of J and shake my head at myself. But for the first time i really didn't identify with the song at all. i think i've finally managed to shed my maneating skin in recognition of wanting more and believing that maybe i can have more.

Everyone deserves more. it just takes some of us longer to adjust our lives to make more possible.