The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.
That quote appeared on my Venti non fat, 6 pump tazo chai latte every Wednesday morning for 4 months. I remember saying that it was going to be my new mantra because i had developed a problem with commitment.
It's true though, when you commit to doing something you remove all barriers that kept you from going after it in the first place. I have the over thinking problem. I read into every little thing and even when i know that i am being completely crazy (and i tell myself so..sometimes aloud) i can't stop the thoughts from reeling. Like with my job, i debated for weeks about pitching to my boss why she should keep me on staff. In the end they decided to extend my contract but had they not I always would have wondered what would have happened had i opened my mouth and stopped hesitating. IF i had just committed to the moment.
Commitment allows you to remove the "what if" from your life. And of course, it may not always work out as planned but the fact that you will never have to wonder is a reward in itself. Even those things that end poorly help make you who you are meant to be.
P and I discussed the other day whether or not we would change anything if we went back and did our high school years over again. I couldn't think of anything that i would change - not because my high school years were so incredibly fantastic, nor were they awful - but because all of those moments of insecurity, those days where i regretted choices or let people walk all over me or missed out on opportunities have taught me so much and have made me into the confident and generally successful person i am today.
i am so happy with my life and how it has turned out so far. I may not be finished school yet like most of my friends but i've accomplished a lot more than many of them by extending my stay at university. I may not be in a relationship but i don't let guys walk all over me and i won't settle for being unhappy because the alternative might be more difficult. i might live at home still but i have a good enough relationship with my parents to make that feasible and it allows me to save money for the future. i've learned to take criticism and apply it to my work. i've learned to tackle tough situations instead of avoiding them. i know that honesty is the best way to go and i exercise that quality even in difficult situations.
i'm committing to life and to living as the best me that i can be. As Nike said (perhaps not quite so eloquently as my Starbucks cup), "Just Do It"
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Taking Pleasure in the Simple Things
I think traffic can be beautiful. Sometimes it feels like perfectly choreographed movement, seamless as cars merge together on the road. The smooth transition of lane changes and the sheer effortlessness driving radiates. Often I find myself thinking this on my morning commute - strange, i know.
The celebration of light starts on Wednesday. I love fireworks they are another of my simple pleasures. Watching them light up the sky fills me with hope, wonder and possibility. It makes Vancouver (and all of its suburbs) a community for 10-15min as they all stare up at the sky with that same look of awe on their faces. We become united under a sea of colorful moments in time. This week my sweet friend E is coming to visit from Ottawa. I haven't seen her since I moved back to the West Coast. She was the only good friend I made while over there and she was so welcoming and really made an effort to be my friend, which is so rare when people know that your stay is only temporary. I can't wait to return the favor this week - perhaps at our city's dazzling celebration of light.
I shared a compliment with my beautiful friend K the other day, that a friend of mine had mentioned. K so often underestimates the beauty she exudes from the inside out and it was so nice to share that someone else had noticed - someone who she doesn't know very well. She sent me a text a couple hours later stating that it was "amazing how a compliment could turn your day around." i was just happy i could help make her feel special even for just that day. Someone i've been interested in, asked for my number yesterday and I couldn't help but agree with K's assertion - small gestures can really make that silver lining glow.
This week I was called into a meeting with my manager and supervisor and they expressed that they wished to extend my contract with them for an additional 4 months. The recognition that i'm doing a good job through this phenomenal result is overwhelming. I appear to be a very confident person and I try my darnedest, but there's always that doubt lingering. Having that effort and hard work pay off is something that I hope happens for every person a few times in their life. This moment might not have been so simple, but it was that vocal affirmation that my contract would be extended that brought tears to my eyes and made my entire day shine brighter with thoughts of a potentially successful future.
May you all embrace the small things that make you smile to the larger ones that make your heart ache with joy.
xoxo
The celebration of light starts on Wednesday. I love fireworks they are another of my simple pleasures. Watching them light up the sky fills me with hope, wonder and possibility. It makes Vancouver (and all of its suburbs) a community for 10-15min as they all stare up at the sky with that same look of awe on their faces. We become united under a sea of colorful moments in time. This week my sweet friend E is coming to visit from Ottawa. I haven't seen her since I moved back to the West Coast. She was the only good friend I made while over there and she was so welcoming and really made an effort to be my friend, which is so rare when people know that your stay is only temporary. I can't wait to return the favor this week - perhaps at our city's dazzling celebration of light.
I shared a compliment with my beautiful friend K the other day, that a friend of mine had mentioned. K so often underestimates the beauty she exudes from the inside out and it was so nice to share that someone else had noticed - someone who she doesn't know very well. She sent me a text a couple hours later stating that it was "amazing how a compliment could turn your day around." i was just happy i could help make her feel special even for just that day. Someone i've been interested in, asked for my number yesterday and I couldn't help but agree with K's assertion - small gestures can really make that silver lining glow.
This week I was called into a meeting with my manager and supervisor and they expressed that they wished to extend my contract with them for an additional 4 months. The recognition that i'm doing a good job through this phenomenal result is overwhelming. I appear to be a very confident person and I try my darnedest, but there's always that doubt lingering. Having that effort and hard work pay off is something that I hope happens for every person a few times in their life. This moment might not have been so simple, but it was that vocal affirmation that my contract would be extended that brought tears to my eyes and made my entire day shine brighter with thoughts of a potentially successful future.
May you all embrace the small things that make you smile to the larger ones that make your heart ache with joy.
xoxo
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Life Unexpected
I've been a blog slacker lately. I had my first paper of the semester due a couple weeks ago and post-paper i'm only interested in relaxing.
I've only got a month left at my job placement. I'm going to be pretty sad when it ends to be honest. I really don't want to go back to the auction. I love being in an environment with people who want to be there and who all work hard to get the job done. Also, doing a job that I enjoy and that is something I'm interested in helps too.
Every time i go back to the auction it feels like i'm stepping backwards, that i've failed somehow. I know, well the rational side of me knows, that it's a temporary means to me finishing school. It's difficult to find a job that is so flexible with a student and still pays a decent wage. But that place is filled with people who don't want to be there, but are because they feel that they have no other option. Most don't take pride in their work, they're lazy and they don't even try to hide it. They also don't pay enough for long term employment - UNLESS you make management and then the hours are off the charts covering for all the slacking employees.
But i have to finish 3 classes...yes i said 3. The English dept is screwing me over an issue that I had dealt with 3 years ago and they're making me take an additional class. So it turns out my last semester will not be as easy as I originally thought.
It'll all work out. it always does. life may be completely unexpected but it does have a way of working itself out in the end. i do firmly believe that things will fall into place for me, but i really wish they would fall a little bit faster. my impatience is getting the best of me.
I've only got a month left at my job placement. I'm going to be pretty sad when it ends to be honest. I really don't want to go back to the auction. I love being in an environment with people who want to be there and who all work hard to get the job done. Also, doing a job that I enjoy and that is something I'm interested in helps too.
Every time i go back to the auction it feels like i'm stepping backwards, that i've failed somehow. I know, well the rational side of me knows, that it's a temporary means to me finishing school. It's difficult to find a job that is so flexible with a student and still pays a decent wage. But that place is filled with people who don't want to be there, but are because they feel that they have no other option. Most don't take pride in their work, they're lazy and they don't even try to hide it. They also don't pay enough for long term employment - UNLESS you make management and then the hours are off the charts covering for all the slacking employees.
But i have to finish 3 classes...yes i said 3. The English dept is screwing me over an issue that I had dealt with 3 years ago and they're making me take an additional class. So it turns out my last semester will not be as easy as I originally thought.
It'll all work out. it always does. life may be completely unexpected but it does have a way of working itself out in the end. i do firmly believe that things will fall into place for me, but i really wish they would fall a little bit faster. my impatience is getting the best of me.
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