Commitment

The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

That quote appeared on my Venti non fat, 6 pump tazo chai latte every Wednesday morning for 4 months. I remember saying that it was going to be my new mantra because i had developed a problem with commitment.

It's true though, when you commit to doing something you remove all barriers that kept you from going after it in the first place. I have the over thinking problem. I read into every little thing and even when i know that i am being completely crazy (and i tell myself so..sometimes aloud) i can't stop the thoughts from reeling. Like with my job, i debated for weeks about pitching to my boss why she should keep me on staff. In the end they decided to extend my contract but had they not I always would have wondered what would have happened had i opened my mouth and stopped hesitating. IF i had just committed to the moment.

Commitment allows you to remove the "what if" from your life. And of course, it may not always work out as planned but the fact that you will never have to wonder is a reward in itself. Even those things that end poorly help make you who you are meant to be.

P and I discussed the other day whether or not we would change anything if we went back and did our high school years over again. I couldn't think of anything that i would change - not because my high school years were so incredibly fantastic, nor were they awful - but because all of those moments of insecurity, those days where i regretted choices or let people walk all over me or missed out on opportunities have taught me so much and have made me into the confident and generally successful person i am today.

i am so happy with my life and how it has turned out so far. I may not be finished school yet like most of my friends but i've accomplished a lot more than many of them by extending my stay at university. I may not be in a relationship but i don't let guys walk all over me and i won't settle for being unhappy because the alternative might be more difficult. i might live at home still but i have a good enough relationship with my parents to make that feasible and it allows me to save money for the future. i've learned to take criticism and apply it to my work. i've learned to tackle tough situations instead of avoiding them. i know that honesty is the best way to go and i exercise that quality even in difficult situations.

i'm committing to life and to living as the best me that i can be. As Nike said (perhaps not quite so eloquently as my Starbucks cup), "Just Do It"