you know that moment when your heart stops and you've realized you might be making or about to make a big mistake? i experienced that last night and even though nothing happened, it scared me pretty badly.
the ladies - S-squared - and I were out on the town. it was supposed to be just a couple drinks at the Westin pop-up patio and then suddenly we were out to dinner at Chinois in Yaletown (delicious chinese food btw) and transitioning straight into drinks and dancing at Pierre's Champagne Lounge.
now i'm not a big drinker. i drink socially with the ladies and i love a good glass of red but i don't like the feeling of being drunk. i don't like not being in control and i'm such a lightweight (i'm pretty tiny) that the line between a good buzz and patchy memories is very fine - pinstripe fine. after a certain point, things just get blurry and i stop seeing faces, and only remember certain details clearly. but we were having fun and i had already consumed more than average and then B got brought up so i ended up having a few more than usual.
before i know it, i'm sashaying across the lounge to get the attention of some guy, who i now can't even remember what he looked like, except that he wore a red shirt, and began enjoying drinks at their table.
when you're standing there laughing and making small talk while your brain is busy asking you what you're doing, that should be the first clue to stop and reassess the situation. or you know, this dude talking about an after-party with people doing coke, that could be another clue perhaps - more of a slap in the face to wise up, but hey to each their own.
at some point, i'm not even sure how, or if something was said or what not, but i was led around the side of the bar and i'm suddenly in this restroom - the restrooms in this lounge are all individual unisex rooms. i remember kissing red shirt guy and then very clearly, as though someone threw cold water at me or gave me a 5-hour energy shot straight to the bloodstream, i remember him reaching over and locking the door. THAT right there was when a sick feeling hit me, telling me something was wrong. it was the moment when the lights came on and everything clicked into place and i realized that i had zero control, that i was now in a locked room with someone i don't know and who works out a lot (trust me i felt his crazy amazing abs and arms), that my ladies weren't there, and that if i screamed no one would hear me over the music.
i'm not even sure what i said, i think it was something like i need to leave or i want to leave. all i know is i unlocked the door and walked out and then out of the lounge and all i could say to the ladies was that i wanted to go home.
i'm too old to be doing shit like that anymore. i don't like those bar star guys and i was being dumb because in the moment it was fun and the attention was nice and i wasn't thinking about B. but the panic i felt when that lock closed made my heart stop.
but i think the worst part is that i'm so embarrassed that i let myself get into a situation that scared me. maybe it was an eye-opener i needed to wise up and grow up.
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