No matter how thick skinned we try to be, there's millions of electrifying nerve endings in there. Open and exposed and feeling way too much. Try as we might to keep from feeling pain, sometimes it's just unavoidable. Sometimes that's the only thing left - just feeling. ~ Grey's Anatomy
As Meredith Grey would say, I had a dark and twisty weekend. It's not a regular occurrence but every couple months or so, one sneaks up on me. it usually happens when one thing in my life just isn't working for me. then it's a dark and twisty couple days where it seems as though nothing can lift my mood. I get snarky and spending my time alone is really the only way to push through it. It's really not fair to subject others to it.
this dark and twisty weekend was brought to me in part by my lack lustre personal life.
professionally speaking i'm doing quite well. i have a job that i love and that i seem to be doing really well at, considering the good feedback i have been getting from my supervisor, manager and director. there seems to be promise for the potential for a position should one become available and i've just taken on a new job that will help to keep me noticed at the company.
personally - well i'm kind of lame.
this past weekend was the last weekend of the PNE. The PNE is my FAVOURITE part of summer. i know that sounds silly but there's something about the youthful feeling in the air that invigorates me. I love cheering for the Super Dogs and for the pigs and the ducks. I take way too much pleasure in wandering through the market place and listening to all the pitches the vendors are shouting (i have a soft spot for infomercials). AND it's the perfect time to indulge in everything deep fried - did you know they had deep fried butter this year?? sounds awful but soo intriguing. To top it all off, this year is the 100th anniversary of the PNE.
i wasn't able to find one person to go with me. not one. when it comes down to having friends, i mean real friends not acquaintances, i don't have a lot and that doesn't bother me because i'd rather have real, good friends then half-assed ones, but in situations like this it sucks. i asked everyone i could think of to go with me and struck out with each request.
i ended up asking my ex bf to go and, knowing how much i love the pne, he wanted to take me and it became the Monday plan. Unfortunately it rained like crazy and we couldn't go. it was really sweet of him to want to take me though. But because of my dark and twisty weekend i wasn't very nice and he got a very heartfelt apology message from me that would have been tear stained if my iphone could absorb.
the dark and twisty started not because of the pne, but because i tried not to be so thick-skinned and instead i let the nerve endings be open and exposed and i let myself feel....and i got disappointed. things have not been going so well with the new flame as of late and honestly i don't know why i'm surprised.
i don't let my guard down. i keep a wall up and i stay on my side and that way when the dark passages become lit with new knowledge about people, i'm ok with it and i can walk away unscathed. burns take far too long to heal to not be careful.
i dropped the wall. i embraced something new and let my skin come in contact with new surroundings and i enjoyed every minute of it until a 3am drunk dial and asshole behaviour popped up, followed by a strange attitude and a lack of commitment. there wasn't even a tentative date on table (which by the way i hate, it's not hard to make a plan and stick to it. a tentative date feels like you are holding out for something better) there was just nothing except suggestions for dates from me and no follow up from him.
i'm so tired of my romantic life sucking. i would really like to rid myself of the nick name Maneater. i want to believe there is someone for me that will make the effort and will court me. how old fashioned is that? but i expect a guy to plan dates, just as i would for him, and to woo me or at least want to woo me. i think i'm wooable. it'd be nice to be treated special for once - i'm not high maintenance in relationships, i'm impressed by the smallest gestures and i don't need phone calls every day and i don't need to see the person all the time BUT i still want that effort.
the dark and twisty weekend is over - but there is a whole lot of feeling left over...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Superstar in the making
My supervisor S gets recognized on the street with all the spokesperson work she does through work. Her sister also happens to be a Canadian TV personality and since they look so similar S gets mistaken for her sister all the time too. Today S caused quite the stir when she went to her local post office. She had the lady who worked there all excited to see the woman on TV. She really is an amazing spokesperson. She exudes confidence even when she's unsure of herself. Definitely an inspiring person to work with and i'm honestly lucky to have her as my supervisor.
Yesterday I did my first media interview and although i was ridiculously nervous to do something I have prepared two people before me to do, S's advice of pretending that I was only talking to the interviewer and that no one else was listening to the radio show kept running through my head. It wasn't as difficult as I imagined it would be. i definitely need to remember to slow down when i'm speaking though. I have the bad habit of speaking very quickly in everyday speech and I have to consciously remind myself to slow it down. I also had about 5 um's in 6 minutes and i said "fantastic" one too many times (one fantastic is enough for any conversation or it just sounds like overkill haha). Overall, i'm quite content with how i did.
I think what got me so nervous is that I had decided that this interview could determine whether or not they hire me at the end of my contract. My manager told me that our VP had been asking about me and about whether or not i was a good spokesperson, comfortable with media etc. and until now that was yet to be seen. If my manager and VP think that my first one went well then that could give me a big leg up if they decide to hire an entry level person for the media team.
it's funny how the people around you can be so confident in your ability even when you are not. With some people you know they are just saying that it will go well because they don't want to tell you that you will fail. But then you know those sincere people in your life who would tell you their honest opinion regardless of whether it's a negative or positive comment. i truly hope that everyone has a couple of these real friends in their life. these types of friends offer another level of support that transcends simply being nice.
Recently, i've had someone new in my life who seems to transcend the nice zone in the same way that P does. It could be my hormones talking -- there might be some sense in K$sha's words "my steeze is gonna be affected if i keep it up like a lovesick crackhead." But i don't think that's it. this guy seems so different than others that i've dated. i'm not scared, i'm not panicking, i don't mind talking to him every day - in fact i want to. he is incredibly articulate and listens to what i'm saying while laughing at my jokes and he even shows off his own inner dork that so often i find myself letting escape.
E seems genuinely interested in me which made me believe him when he expressed confidence in my ability to kill that interview. it's nice to actually believe what a guy is saying to me, instead of always having my guard up.
E actually told me a story about the person who interviewed me and how he was the first autograph that E ever got (he was just a youngin' and mesmerized that this guy was on TV). This was just so incredibly precious. You have to understand that the host of the radio show i was on, is very well known in the community BUT he's the corniest guy ever and mixes his information up all the time. and here little E walks up and slides a napkin onto his table for him to sign - too shy to even speak.
I told S today that it was only a matter of time before kids would be sliding her napkins in crowded restaurants.
Yesterday I did my first media interview and although i was ridiculously nervous to do something I have prepared two people before me to do, S's advice of pretending that I was only talking to the interviewer and that no one else was listening to the radio show kept running through my head. It wasn't as difficult as I imagined it would be. i definitely need to remember to slow down when i'm speaking though. I have the bad habit of speaking very quickly in everyday speech and I have to consciously remind myself to slow it down. I also had about 5 um's in 6 minutes and i said "fantastic" one too many times (one fantastic is enough for any conversation or it just sounds like overkill haha). Overall, i'm quite content with how i did.
I think what got me so nervous is that I had decided that this interview could determine whether or not they hire me at the end of my contract. My manager told me that our VP had been asking about me and about whether or not i was a good spokesperson, comfortable with media etc. and until now that was yet to be seen. If my manager and VP think that my first one went well then that could give me a big leg up if they decide to hire an entry level person for the media team.
it's funny how the people around you can be so confident in your ability even when you are not. With some people you know they are just saying that it will go well because they don't want to tell you that you will fail. But then you know those sincere people in your life who would tell you their honest opinion regardless of whether it's a negative or positive comment. i truly hope that everyone has a couple of these real friends in their life. these types of friends offer another level of support that transcends simply being nice.
Recently, i've had someone new in my life who seems to transcend the nice zone in the same way that P does. It could be my hormones talking -- there might be some sense in K$sha's words "my steeze is gonna be affected if i keep it up like a lovesick crackhead." But i don't think that's it. this guy seems so different than others that i've dated. i'm not scared, i'm not panicking, i don't mind talking to him every day - in fact i want to. he is incredibly articulate and listens to what i'm saying while laughing at my jokes and he even shows off his own inner dork that so often i find myself letting escape.
E seems genuinely interested in me which made me believe him when he expressed confidence in my ability to kill that interview. it's nice to actually believe what a guy is saying to me, instead of always having my guard up.
E actually told me a story about the person who interviewed me and how he was the first autograph that E ever got (he was just a youngin' and mesmerized that this guy was on TV). This was just so incredibly precious. You have to understand that the host of the radio show i was on, is very well known in the community BUT he's the corniest guy ever and mixes his information up all the time. and here little E walks up and slides a napkin onto his table for him to sign - too shy to even speak.
I told S today that it was only a matter of time before kids would be sliding her napkins in crowded restaurants.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Just call my name and I'll be there...
Today my director of communication called me into his office. He wanted to lend me a book that he had told me about last week when I spoke of my love for Cirque du Soleil. I had expressed how mesmerized i was by the performers who spend their entire lives training to do something that they love and then get to share that love, that passion, that fire with millions of people.
My talk reminded him of this book The Spark: Igniting the Creative Fire that Lives within Us All.
I've only been able to read a little bit on the skytrain ride home but I thought I would share this bit from the foreword:
"They [Cirque performers] have learned to surrender to their senses, trust their instincts, take risks, and meet new challenged in an artistic and nurturing environment. They work alone and they work together learning to connect with and touch people in new ways, endeavoring always to reinvent themselves. And they aspire to give back to the world in the endless continuum of change, exchange and renewal; they are catalysts. From a tiny spark a great fire was kindled and its flames warmed the world..."
Too often people lack real passion in the job that they do. You don't have to be a traditional performer to have fire or to inspire change. You can be a performer in your own life - be your own star. Right now i have a sheep hanging on the wall of my office; it symbolizes leaving the flock behind and forging your own path. It's made quite a few people stop and take a closer look and maybe it's made them think too.
My director told me today, during a scheduled one-on-one meeting, that my writing made him think. that my writing showed heart and that i had a skill there. he encouraged me to find my own passion may it be with our company or another, highlighting how i'm young enough to choose and fortunate enough not to be trapped in one area.
He extended his hand to me, letting me know that anything I needed in terms of job support he was willing to give and that he looked forward to seeing what i produced with my term extension.
I'm so excited and grateful to have that support from a director. The director of communications at NRCan never even introduced himself to me. Taking notice of even the smallest employee is the mark of a good leader in my opinion. My GM at my former job took notice of every employee and knew each by name, regardless of the job that they performed. And people respect him in a way that his predecessor never experienced.
Oh in case you're wondering about the title. my director said that during our meeting and i pointed out it was a song lyric and he remarked that's where he gets all his best lines. Humour: another trait that can be hard to come by when dealing with superiors in a corporate environment.
Have I mentioned that i love my job?
My talk reminded him of this book The Spark: Igniting the Creative Fire that Lives within Us All.
I've only been able to read a little bit on the skytrain ride home but I thought I would share this bit from the foreword:
"They [Cirque performers] have learned to surrender to their senses, trust their instincts, take risks, and meet new challenged in an artistic and nurturing environment. They work alone and they work together learning to connect with and touch people in new ways, endeavoring always to reinvent themselves. And they aspire to give back to the world in the endless continuum of change, exchange and renewal; they are catalysts. From a tiny spark a great fire was kindled and its flames warmed the world..."
Too often people lack real passion in the job that they do. You don't have to be a traditional performer to have fire or to inspire change. You can be a performer in your own life - be your own star. Right now i have a sheep hanging on the wall of my office; it symbolizes leaving the flock behind and forging your own path. It's made quite a few people stop and take a closer look and maybe it's made them think too.
My director told me today, during a scheduled one-on-one meeting, that my writing made him think. that my writing showed heart and that i had a skill there. he encouraged me to find my own passion may it be with our company or another, highlighting how i'm young enough to choose and fortunate enough not to be trapped in one area.
He extended his hand to me, letting me know that anything I needed in terms of job support he was willing to give and that he looked forward to seeing what i produced with my term extension.
I'm so excited and grateful to have that support from a director. The director of communications at NRCan never even introduced himself to me. Taking notice of even the smallest employee is the mark of a good leader in my opinion. My GM at my former job took notice of every employee and knew each by name, regardless of the job that they performed. And people respect him in a way that his predecessor never experienced.
Oh in case you're wondering about the title. my director said that during our meeting and i pointed out it was a song lyric and he remarked that's where he gets all his best lines. Humour: another trait that can be hard to come by when dealing with superiors in a corporate environment.
Have I mentioned that i love my job?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Commitment
The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.
That quote appeared on my Venti non fat, 6 pump tazo chai latte every Wednesday morning for 4 months. I remember saying that it was going to be my new mantra because i had developed a problem with commitment.
It's true though, when you commit to doing something you remove all barriers that kept you from going after it in the first place. I have the over thinking problem. I read into every little thing and even when i know that i am being completely crazy (and i tell myself so..sometimes aloud) i can't stop the thoughts from reeling. Like with my job, i debated for weeks about pitching to my boss why she should keep me on staff. In the end they decided to extend my contract but had they not I always would have wondered what would have happened had i opened my mouth and stopped hesitating. IF i had just committed to the moment.
Commitment allows you to remove the "what if" from your life. And of course, it may not always work out as planned but the fact that you will never have to wonder is a reward in itself. Even those things that end poorly help make you who you are meant to be.
P and I discussed the other day whether or not we would change anything if we went back and did our high school years over again. I couldn't think of anything that i would change - not because my high school years were so incredibly fantastic, nor were they awful - but because all of those moments of insecurity, those days where i regretted choices or let people walk all over me or missed out on opportunities have taught me so much and have made me into the confident and generally successful person i am today.
i am so happy with my life and how it has turned out so far. I may not be finished school yet like most of my friends but i've accomplished a lot more than many of them by extending my stay at university. I may not be in a relationship but i don't let guys walk all over me and i won't settle for being unhappy because the alternative might be more difficult. i might live at home still but i have a good enough relationship with my parents to make that feasible and it allows me to save money for the future. i've learned to take criticism and apply it to my work. i've learned to tackle tough situations instead of avoiding them. i know that honesty is the best way to go and i exercise that quality even in difficult situations.
i'm committing to life and to living as the best me that i can be. As Nike said (perhaps not quite so eloquently as my Starbucks cup), "Just Do It"
That quote appeared on my Venti non fat, 6 pump tazo chai latte every Wednesday morning for 4 months. I remember saying that it was going to be my new mantra because i had developed a problem with commitment.
It's true though, when you commit to doing something you remove all barriers that kept you from going after it in the first place. I have the over thinking problem. I read into every little thing and even when i know that i am being completely crazy (and i tell myself so..sometimes aloud) i can't stop the thoughts from reeling. Like with my job, i debated for weeks about pitching to my boss why she should keep me on staff. In the end they decided to extend my contract but had they not I always would have wondered what would have happened had i opened my mouth and stopped hesitating. IF i had just committed to the moment.
Commitment allows you to remove the "what if" from your life. And of course, it may not always work out as planned but the fact that you will never have to wonder is a reward in itself. Even those things that end poorly help make you who you are meant to be.
P and I discussed the other day whether or not we would change anything if we went back and did our high school years over again. I couldn't think of anything that i would change - not because my high school years were so incredibly fantastic, nor were they awful - but because all of those moments of insecurity, those days where i regretted choices or let people walk all over me or missed out on opportunities have taught me so much and have made me into the confident and generally successful person i am today.
i am so happy with my life and how it has turned out so far. I may not be finished school yet like most of my friends but i've accomplished a lot more than many of them by extending my stay at university. I may not be in a relationship but i don't let guys walk all over me and i won't settle for being unhappy because the alternative might be more difficult. i might live at home still but i have a good enough relationship with my parents to make that feasible and it allows me to save money for the future. i've learned to take criticism and apply it to my work. i've learned to tackle tough situations instead of avoiding them. i know that honesty is the best way to go and i exercise that quality even in difficult situations.
i'm committing to life and to living as the best me that i can be. As Nike said (perhaps not quite so eloquently as my Starbucks cup), "Just Do It"
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Taking Pleasure in the Simple Things
I think traffic can be beautiful. Sometimes it feels like perfectly choreographed movement, seamless as cars merge together on the road. The smooth transition of lane changes and the sheer effortlessness driving radiates. Often I find myself thinking this on my morning commute - strange, i know.
The celebration of light starts on Wednesday. I love fireworks they are another of my simple pleasures. Watching them light up the sky fills me with hope, wonder and possibility. It makes Vancouver (and all of its suburbs) a community for 10-15min as they all stare up at the sky with that same look of awe on their faces. We become united under a sea of colorful moments in time. This week my sweet friend E is coming to visit from Ottawa. I haven't seen her since I moved back to the West Coast. She was the only good friend I made while over there and she was so welcoming and really made an effort to be my friend, which is so rare when people know that your stay is only temporary. I can't wait to return the favor this week - perhaps at our city's dazzling celebration of light.
I shared a compliment with my beautiful friend K the other day, that a friend of mine had mentioned. K so often underestimates the beauty she exudes from the inside out and it was so nice to share that someone else had noticed - someone who she doesn't know very well. She sent me a text a couple hours later stating that it was "amazing how a compliment could turn your day around." i was just happy i could help make her feel special even for just that day. Someone i've been interested in, asked for my number yesterday and I couldn't help but agree with K's assertion - small gestures can really make that silver lining glow.
This week I was called into a meeting with my manager and supervisor and they expressed that they wished to extend my contract with them for an additional 4 months. The recognition that i'm doing a good job through this phenomenal result is overwhelming. I appear to be a very confident person and I try my darnedest, but there's always that doubt lingering. Having that effort and hard work pay off is something that I hope happens for every person a few times in their life. This moment might not have been so simple, but it was that vocal affirmation that my contract would be extended that brought tears to my eyes and made my entire day shine brighter with thoughts of a potentially successful future.
May you all embrace the small things that make you smile to the larger ones that make your heart ache with joy.
xoxo
The celebration of light starts on Wednesday. I love fireworks they are another of my simple pleasures. Watching them light up the sky fills me with hope, wonder and possibility. It makes Vancouver (and all of its suburbs) a community for 10-15min as they all stare up at the sky with that same look of awe on their faces. We become united under a sea of colorful moments in time. This week my sweet friend E is coming to visit from Ottawa. I haven't seen her since I moved back to the West Coast. She was the only good friend I made while over there and she was so welcoming and really made an effort to be my friend, which is so rare when people know that your stay is only temporary. I can't wait to return the favor this week - perhaps at our city's dazzling celebration of light.
I shared a compliment with my beautiful friend K the other day, that a friend of mine had mentioned. K so often underestimates the beauty she exudes from the inside out and it was so nice to share that someone else had noticed - someone who she doesn't know very well. She sent me a text a couple hours later stating that it was "amazing how a compliment could turn your day around." i was just happy i could help make her feel special even for just that day. Someone i've been interested in, asked for my number yesterday and I couldn't help but agree with K's assertion - small gestures can really make that silver lining glow.
This week I was called into a meeting with my manager and supervisor and they expressed that they wished to extend my contract with them for an additional 4 months. The recognition that i'm doing a good job through this phenomenal result is overwhelming. I appear to be a very confident person and I try my darnedest, but there's always that doubt lingering. Having that effort and hard work pay off is something that I hope happens for every person a few times in their life. This moment might not have been so simple, but it was that vocal affirmation that my contract would be extended that brought tears to my eyes and made my entire day shine brighter with thoughts of a potentially successful future.
May you all embrace the small things that make you smile to the larger ones that make your heart ache with joy.
xoxo
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Life Unexpected
I've been a blog slacker lately. I had my first paper of the semester due a couple weeks ago and post-paper i'm only interested in relaxing.
I've only got a month left at my job placement. I'm going to be pretty sad when it ends to be honest. I really don't want to go back to the auction. I love being in an environment with people who want to be there and who all work hard to get the job done. Also, doing a job that I enjoy and that is something I'm interested in helps too.
Every time i go back to the auction it feels like i'm stepping backwards, that i've failed somehow. I know, well the rational side of me knows, that it's a temporary means to me finishing school. It's difficult to find a job that is so flexible with a student and still pays a decent wage. But that place is filled with people who don't want to be there, but are because they feel that they have no other option. Most don't take pride in their work, they're lazy and they don't even try to hide it. They also don't pay enough for long term employment - UNLESS you make management and then the hours are off the charts covering for all the slacking employees.
But i have to finish 3 classes...yes i said 3. The English dept is screwing me over an issue that I had dealt with 3 years ago and they're making me take an additional class. So it turns out my last semester will not be as easy as I originally thought.
It'll all work out. it always does. life may be completely unexpected but it does have a way of working itself out in the end. i do firmly believe that things will fall into place for me, but i really wish they would fall a little bit faster. my impatience is getting the best of me.
I've only got a month left at my job placement. I'm going to be pretty sad when it ends to be honest. I really don't want to go back to the auction. I love being in an environment with people who want to be there and who all work hard to get the job done. Also, doing a job that I enjoy and that is something I'm interested in helps too.
Every time i go back to the auction it feels like i'm stepping backwards, that i've failed somehow. I know, well the rational side of me knows, that it's a temporary means to me finishing school. It's difficult to find a job that is so flexible with a student and still pays a decent wage. But that place is filled with people who don't want to be there, but are because they feel that they have no other option. Most don't take pride in their work, they're lazy and they don't even try to hide it. They also don't pay enough for long term employment - UNLESS you make management and then the hours are off the charts covering for all the slacking employees.
But i have to finish 3 classes...yes i said 3. The English dept is screwing me over an issue that I had dealt with 3 years ago and they're making me take an additional class. So it turns out my last semester will not be as easy as I originally thought.
It'll all work out. it always does. life may be completely unexpected but it does have a way of working itself out in the end. i do firmly believe that things will fall into place for me, but i really wish they would fall a little bit faster. my impatience is getting the best of me.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Missed Opportunities
have you ever had a dream about a coworker? awkward isn't it? especially when you see them the next day at work and just the sound of their voice or someone mentioning their name makes you turn red (i'm a redhead remember, it seems as though redheads embrace all forms of red on any part of their bodies, esp the face and when embarrassed and any skin showing when it's sunny).
but back to the point of my post. last night i had a dream about one of my coworkers, a not so PG 13 type dream. the odd thing is that i've never thought about him in that way before...and now it's all i can think about.
it's kind of like when someone puts an idea in your head, that maybe you've never considered, and suddenly it seems as though it could be a possibility.
i've been working this job for about 2 months now and i love it. i'm doing media relations and i'm the media contact for a group of 7 teams who work across the province. it's been a great opportunity to learn some managing styles as well as developing my own way of organizing an deploying media for the teams. we've been pretty successful so far this summer and i'm hoping that will be a theme that carries on. the problem is this is only a co-op position so it's done at the end of August.
a couple people who work in the office suggested that i make a pitch for keeping my position. basically demonstrate the need for it to be a full time position and show the difference their media has had this summer compared to last summer.
the thing is it really depends on budget. my position used to be full time and then media relations swallowed it up and made it a summer co-op position instead. so i'm not sure whether to pursue it but i can't get it out of my head.
deciding whether to pursue things can be difficult if you have something to lose. my friend T is another thing i can't get out of my head. i've known him since i started university 6 years ago and he's become one of my best friends - a friendship that has survived both of us relocating at different points. both of us have expressed interest in each other at different points but our timing has always been terrible. either i was dating someone or he was, or we were getting over other people, or not living in BC. there's always that lingering "what if?"...for me anyways.
the difficulty in deciding whether to pursue anything more than friendship with him comes down to if it didn't work, would i lose my friend. i don't know if i'm willing to take that risk. we do have a pact however that if we hit 35 and we're both still single we're getting married - it was originally 40 but we both want kids. this pact surfaced because we're both hopeless when it comes to dating.
but while with T i might lose a friend, with this job i guess i have nothing to lose since it's scheduled to end in August anyway. so maybe i should suck it up and work on my proposal.
but back to the point of my post. last night i had a dream about one of my coworkers, a not so PG 13 type dream. the odd thing is that i've never thought about him in that way before...and now it's all i can think about.
it's kind of like when someone puts an idea in your head, that maybe you've never considered, and suddenly it seems as though it could be a possibility.
i've been working this job for about 2 months now and i love it. i'm doing media relations and i'm the media contact for a group of 7 teams who work across the province. it's been a great opportunity to learn some managing styles as well as developing my own way of organizing an deploying media for the teams. we've been pretty successful so far this summer and i'm hoping that will be a theme that carries on. the problem is this is only a co-op position so it's done at the end of August.
a couple people who work in the office suggested that i make a pitch for keeping my position. basically demonstrate the need for it to be a full time position and show the difference their media has had this summer compared to last summer.
the thing is it really depends on budget. my position used to be full time and then media relations swallowed it up and made it a summer co-op position instead. so i'm not sure whether to pursue it but i can't get it out of my head.
deciding whether to pursue things can be difficult if you have something to lose. my friend T is another thing i can't get out of my head. i've known him since i started university 6 years ago and he's become one of my best friends - a friendship that has survived both of us relocating at different points. both of us have expressed interest in each other at different points but our timing has always been terrible. either i was dating someone or he was, or we were getting over other people, or not living in BC. there's always that lingering "what if?"...for me anyways.
the difficulty in deciding whether to pursue anything more than friendship with him comes down to if it didn't work, would i lose my friend. i don't know if i'm willing to take that risk. we do have a pact however that if we hit 35 and we're both still single we're getting married - it was originally 40 but we both want kids. this pact surfaced because we're both hopeless when it comes to dating.
but while with T i might lose a friend, with this job i guess i have nothing to lose since it's scheduled to end in August anyway. so maybe i should suck it up and work on my proposal.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)